I cant hold them back now

Te necesito catalina ;'(

Place my hands on the right keys

i don't want you to be just another document in my life,
then what would you like this person to be? <3

At least I know im the the only one

Who saves it :D

It's like I missed the shot,
Its like I droped the ball

Its like im on stage and I for get the words

Its like trying to propose and I aint got the ring

Sorry thinking, I hope that dosent happen. I wanna dance with somebodie (you),
Thinking of so much. Wanna know something? In fifth grade, I wrote the dare thing about not smoking and I was the one that got the medal for what I wrote. I wrote it h instead of v so when I saw how she held it up that it was I who one. I didn't believe it, could I win once again? Now im thinking of something else but :x, I wish people could see what I see. Well im gonna read over the four pieces that I got :] may I get the others? Well I have a tooth to kiss then dream <3 I love you

lets see...

Woah baby

cute cute cutie :]

marry me?!?

um yeah, ur hott.

your very beautiful

oo snapp

this is hot. x

your gorgeous
xx

You look lush on all your pics. But this is my fave =] xx

ohhh damn...you very hot ^.^
<3

Gorgeous =]
You're a stunner
-x-

i like your hairr
will you marrrry me? :]

so all this stuff i get and two girls wanna marry me

when ya have lemons made lemonade

Well I told em to sing and play my favorite spanish love songs and they didn't do a bad job! :D made me think of my angel <3

Save me

Jen's party sucksss,
I don't want to be here,
But seeing the drunk white guys is prettyyyy funny :] hahaha im kistening to these guys and there funny, why is it that even the least funnyest thing in spanish beats the funnyest thing in english? I have to read chapters 1-3 in the gun book. May I walk home? :/

so i guess i have to go to jen's party tonight,
party untill two huh :/ i dont wanna go. blah, so im gotta get all
pretty i guess.

(I'm sorry)
(I'm Sorry)

It's like I missed a shot,
It's like I dropped the ball.
(Damn I'm Sorry)
It's like I'm on stage,
and I forgot the words.
(Damn, I'm sorry)
It's like building a new house,
with no roof and no doors.
(Damn, I'm sorry)
It's like trying to propose,
and I ain't got the ring.
(Oooh damn I'm sorry)

But girl I've apologized
a million times before.
(I'll apologize a million more)
So here it comes again
for all the wrong I've done.
(so get ready babe)
Here's One million one.

gosh i havent heard this song in soooo long

<3 her so much,
i'll give her the
world, i wont let anything happen
to her, she's everything to me. i love you
catalina rose mckay <3

mustang buddy gone,
like a burn out.
<3 talking to the love of your life

aw

sweetie, you've made my day once again <3

i guess it'll just be me watching halloween movies :/

well blah, there isnt anything to do,
im singing to burn time, <3

*sips coffee*

janice looked funny smoking,
pretty people shouldnt smoke
so i took her ciggerette.she said that
made her day and she gave me a hug :) i like making
people smile. i havent scene her in a while so it was bice seeing
her again. but she wasnt normal janice, i mean she was but she was sad
because her boyfriend broke up with her :/. she told andy and i that she loves us =)
dayah had dinner with the hottopic guy, and everyone else idk, besides the sex part is was a great night. i was so cold tho, i wish she could have been there to hold on to. i can"t stop thinking of my dreams and of the things i've pictured. i can never find anweres when your not around :/ i miss you. i wanna have you next to me, makes me think of when you layed your head on me <3

Dear bryan

learn when to stfu,
i'll do them good

Tell me whats on your mind?

got a needle and thred?

i gotta stich myself back up becasue i once again feel like a cut

<3 this song

I'm gonna be here for you baby
And I'll be a man of my own word
Speak the language in a voice that you have never heard
I wanna sleep with you forever
And I wanna die in your arms
In a cabin by a meadow where the wild bees swarm

(Chorus:)
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us

I wanna honor your mother
And I wanna learn from your paw
I wanna steal your attention like a bad outlaw
And I wanna stand out in a crowd for you
A man among men
I wanna make your world better than it's ever been

Chorus

We'll follow the rainbow
Wherever the four winds blow
And there'll be a new day
Comin' your way
I'm gonna be here for you from now on
This you know somehow
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now

And I'm gonna make you a promise
If there's life after this
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss
Mmm hummm

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust makin' memories of us
Ohhh
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll win your trust makin memories of us
Mmmmm
Ohhhhhhhh Oh Baby Mmmmmmm

<3

pictured things

i wanna hear you play

someting on the piano,
i wanna kiss you

feel like a candle in a hurricane? like a picture in a broken frame?

The mean joe green jersey aj had made me smilee :D steel curtian defence he wants? I'll give him one of the meanest sons of bitches in it, jack lambert <3 I wanna be a reciver, like hinds. I wanna see if I can make it. Or a runningback. Keep dreaming bryan? Maybe this is what I need. "She cheatin on you bryan, she's flirting with other guys, better keep an eye on her' don't have to. I trust her and love her. My necklace shines so bright on her. She skin is so smooth. Well gott do current events <3

get your cute butt to class missy

Fact: bryan use to call wolves woofs :] gosh I feel dumb. "Awe I can't see it anymore"

I wanna sleep with you forever and I wanna die in your arms

Im listening to making memories of us, it's 10;29 and I just saw that she noticed that I wrote on her locker <3 I told mrs.brooks that I needed to go to the bathroom (lie) I just needed to get the hell out of there of a few minuties because I was sitting there for three hours. So I dashed off to my locker, grabed my colored pencils and pulled out the red one and ran as fast as my feet would take me down the hall. I wrote the heart near 1169 and <3 cat I think near the crack rwo to three inches from the top. So if for some reason you can look in my locker and look and see that the red pencil is gone. Teehee after I wrote it I held it like a gun and blew on the tip as id it were the barrael of a gun and said "I always wanted to do that" :D I felt like such a dorkk. I miss you a lot whenyour not around :/ im looking at my fallen scar on my left wrist. Im looking though the memories we've made together in my mind. Has reality really become better than your dreams? Damn, niki fm just played, makes me think of casie :/ I can make my dreams come true, I know I can. Shh, sometimes I feel and believe that I can save the world all by myself. Casie just screamed. I sometimes wonder, if I could save the world, would I? Ahhhh scream. Im thinking of how beautiful she was, so much like her, but on a smaller scale. Teehee smaller scale. I feel like an open cut.I placed her on my lap and wraped my arms around her little body. Wow im such a baby, im getting teary eyed. Hold you head up high, your never wrong, somewhere in the ride you belong, you would rather fight than to walk away. Sorry singing. Reminds me of when ashley told me that I would be a great boyfriend/friend/lover, she said I was the perfect mix of fighter and lover, I could tell you what she said but I never told anyone. But I feel like im such a bad person. And when I just defenceless everyone jumped on me and took cheap shots but hell life dosent care. Im thinking of cloud. Now im thinking of that big smile of yours, when you put your arms around me. Now of when you layed your head on me. Don't leave? I love you,I wrote your full name on my wrist. I wish you knew. Baby your so much, I could make a list but im about to idk on my phone. Sleep well little one. Cover up, its cold <3

later yet? i burned time wth this

1. What's the last mistake you made?
putting a q-tip too far in my ear :/

2. Is the sun shining?
nope but the mon looks amazing tonight

3. Can you successfully blow up and tie a balloon?
yes, yes i can

4. Do you like text messaging?
sure

5. Are you having a good/bad hair day?
you tell me?

6. What was your last purchase?
blanket

7. Are you wearing any make-up right now?
yea

8. What are your plans for later?
read, write, think of my girl <3

9. What is your favorite DDR song?
hahahah there all pretty cool =)

10. Is there any drama within your life?
nope

11. What is a song they need to stop playing on the radio?
manyyy

12. Are you content with life right now?
for the most part

13. Does anyone like you?
well there is this one girl :)

14. What is your current obsession?
seeing the smile on my catalina"s face

15. Do you have a dog?
wish i did, soon maybe

16. Ever been kissed under mistletoe?
not yet

17. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
yep.

18. Ever done a random act of kindness?
Sure have

19. Do your toenails have nail polish on them?
afraid not

20. When's the last time you wore eyeliner?
a month ago?

21. Last curse word you said was?
fuck

22. Are your lips chapped?
nope

23. Are you currently jealous?
nope

24. Do you own an iPod?
i use my sidekick but yeah i have an ipod

25. Did you have a dream last night?
just saw memories

26. Are you mad at anyone?
nope

27. Who is the most random person you know?
bret

28. What's going on this weekend?
maybe nomad's

29. Done any spring cleaning lately?
na

30. Anything bothering you?
nose

31. What do you search for on YouTube?
music videos

32. Did you wish for anything last night on 11:11?
yeah <3

33. Do you drink coffee on a regular basis?
fridays and weekneds

34. Do you wish you were someone else?
never

35. What jewelry are you wearing?
necklace (my cross) <3

36. Ate any exotic food lately?
depends

37. How many contacts do you have on MSN?
Nobody uses MSN

38. Are you easily amused?
yeahh i am :)

39. Can you lick your elbow?
no but yet again who can?

40. Do you know this song, "we stay fly no lie you know this"?
BALLIN' :D

41. What piercings do you have?
ear, *kicks himself in the ass* use to have my lip

42. Do you have a crush right now?
This is more then a crush :)

43. What are your plans over the summer?
shoot fathers gun's, quad like theres no tomorrow (maybe she can come if she wants to) mexico, and spend time her her

44. How's life going for you?
usual

random

2. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
gum

3. What does your last text message say?
let me get my phone,"oi didnt do anything tho. your staying with me by force :) jk.
what ever makes you happy is what you deserve" <3

4. The last song you listened to?
Don't stop dancing

5. If you hated someone and got put in charge of their funeral music, what would you play? i would still be respectful, if i hate you, you'll never know. so i'd play something nice


6. Where are/is your best friend(s) right now?
Home

7. What did you do yesterday?
nothing much, school, day dream, and well i wush i could tell ya <3

8. Pick a scar on your body, how'd you get it?
heart on chest, my kittie did it

9. What teacher have you hated most and why?
i like them all really, no lie

10. What do you want to do when you get out of high school/college?
save lives, (firefighter)

11. How old is your mom?
Thrity-six?

12. What do you think really happened to Steve from blue's clues?
don't ask how i know this but he left for his band

13. Who's your most religious friend?
ryan

14. Who do you trust with your life?
this one person, but i dont think she knows

15. If you could change your name to anything what would it be?
something different, aomething that sets me aprt but not something crazy

16. What's the best compliment someone could give you?
You're beautiful and so much more <3 thank you

17. What did you hate most about your high school?
not there yet

18. how often do you swear?
not sure


19. Last time you took a plane where was it to?
here to el paso :D

20. How many times a day do you log into myspace?
im always loged in

21. Do you think any of your friend's boyfriends/girlfriends are cute?
dont look, for mine is beyond stunning

22. What's the first thing you would do with five million dollars?
ask her what she wants first, then i'd get myself some sick mustangs :)

23. whos number four on your top?
andy


24. What's the next thing you'll spend money on?
probably clothing and somethinggg :D

25. What's one toy you remember having in the 90's?
:x :)

26. If you had a son, what would you name him?
she gets to name him, because i want to name my girl :)

27. Look through the nearest window, what do you see?
moon

28. What's your mouse pad look like?
steelers <3

29. Who's someone you drifted from that you wish you were closer with again?
you

30. Which of your friends do you argue with most?
joey but about silly things

31. What nationalities are you?
mexican

32. Who's the last person that you felt was stalking you?
no one really

33. What's your favorite breakfast food?
Fruity Pebbles

34. If you could get any piercing where would it be?
eye brow, and my lips (snake fangs)

35. How about a tattoo?
many :)

36. Who's the first person on your buddy list other than you?
catalina

37. What's a movie you want to see in the theatres?
The Eye

38. If you had to live somewhere else where would it be?
ocean please, somewhere close

39. What's the last four numbers of your phone number?
0845.8006

40. How many hours did you sleep last night?
Seven

41. Where will your next car ride be to ?
To school in the morning

42. If you could live in any tv show what would it be?
super sweet sixteen?

babe, is it later yet?
i went back and looked at the things you wrote <3

random,
i just picted you yelling piggy back ride and you jumped on me :)
sorry i picture tooo manyyy things

hmmm lets see whats on his mind....

im singing (Riding the Brakes)
i finished my homework in school =)
fact, bryan likes the fact that her marketing
class in near the cafe because he can walk besides her all
the way down the hallway and down the longgg halway :p
im thinking of aaron :/ and if erica is gonna go to the mall so i can have my pack back. pack, silly me forgot my gum this morning so i was bumed. goddamn i look like shitttttt. ummmm mrs.french isnt bad. thinking of when i blew her a kiss, well imma look at mustangs because come my 15 birthday my parents are gonna get me a ponyy (mustang) <3 always

do you recall a time where someonee was sick
and she didnt let me kiss her? i could have killed you with kisses but
then i thought, "i would love to but i don't want her sick". ewwwwwwww i saw my face in the light, i gotta do somthing about this problem. ohh and seee!? om not the only one that thinks the inro sounds like with arms wide open :p well im annoying to imma shut up now :x

Blah, im doing all I can to take my mind off that thought. I have to find something that catches my interest.at the moment im laying in bed, over my steelers blacket (my head is over our logo in our helmet) not that you needed to know that but I like little details like that.I have a picture of me sitting on daddy's knee because I was small. I like that picture, and it looks like jen is pulling on my little sliper as if thinking to say "my turn. *sneezess* :/ my eyes are so watery that it looks like im crying.joey is punching my knees and it hurts :( I told him I has gonna kick his balls and he stoped real quick. Fact, it takes bryan like two minutes to feel it if he's kicked there. I've been talking in the third person a lot. Im listening to forever and always, can't help but to think of my short one, well she can also be tall so I get the best of both worlds :].im talking to andy, teeheee he was reading with mommyy scene :p. Imma thinkin aloud. Ohh im getting my "hair did" as john would say it. I can't wait! its gonna be short, like 7th grade me? And blondee. Not all blonde, you'll see.im looking at mr.webb's scarf. Fuck, I want this thought to go away. Make it go away? Reminds of of me last year, I couldn't handle it and I ran out of science. Did she really seem if outside mrs. Fischers room? I wonder what she thought. Reminds me of when dr,cordis told me I was a danger to myself, I could tell ya what he said not :x, I still have all my hospital braclets. Please don't let this thought become reality. I might go to school, I think I will to see, I wonder, I hope, I pray, shut up bryan, get ahold of yourself. Well I guess this is goodnight. Sleep well little one. Before I go to sleep know that I'll close my eyes and kiss your necklace. I love you catalina rose mckay. Reminds me of a dream, now that reminds of my a dream by big, witch reminds me of pac, I've been listening to them these past few days, its touching. Deep stuff. Most people think rap is about sex, money and getting shot and well its bascly true, im not gonna lie but there's some good stuff out there. Reminds me of 80 and 90 rock. So different from rap but idk when I thought of goos music I thought that. Sorry, my thoughts are everywhere. Im im thinking of when she was behide me and wraped her arms around me <3. *Sneezes* no kisses for you, I don't want you to get sick because of your loser boyfriend. Well sorry that I draged on like always, this time it's goodnight, promise. Sleep well, reminds me of batman, I just pictured you putting your hand over my mouth, sorryyy bye <3

Fact

bryan only uses black warriors

doing homework,
cant get that out of my mind.
since im in a working mood imma do my current event.
i wish i could make that, maybe cita would teach me? sorry thinking,
i would feel proud of myself if i learned to knit, i havent felt proud of myself in a hell of a long time. well goodbye for now (<3)

mind of a dum

*sigh* :/ being alone sucks.
i know what to do, but it'll idk and *screammmmsss*
im listening to forever and always. im alway talking to joey, 8 mile is gonna be on at five, so im gonnawatch it and watch to joey. get that out of your mind bryan, it wont do you any good. there steelers things all around me, suck that we lost but hell. giants vs pats huh? giants better win, because if they dont people are gonna say that there the best team of all time, witch inst true. we made it in i believe 75,76 and won then in 79,80. two back to backs! :p amazing games, my dad has all our superbowls on dvd. our mvp's were franco, lynn and terry had it twice <33 lynn sawnn, he was AMAZINGGGGGGGGGG to say the least about him , he made unbelieveable catchs, one hand catches and even by his finger tips, franco harris #32, with 22 seconds left to play, terry threw the ball ( terry was a farm boy from loisana, sorry i suck at spelling) goddamn terry had a rifel for an arm! well anywho back to franco, so listen up kids, the ball was deflected and at the varyyyy last fucking second, the ball hit his shoe and franco took it to the endzone <3 hahahaha in superbowl 10 terry threw the ball to lynn for the win and terry was knocked out by a helment to helment hit, but when he collected his marbles everyone in the locker room was like "you did it terryy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) our 70"s team was becyiqbewyuvcbyub fquibfuiq2buwbf <3333333333333 there was noooo way you were going though the steel curtain. mean joe green, L.C. greenwood,erine holmes. and dwight white, jack lambert, jack ham. hand down everyone knows we had the best defence, some might even say out 70"s team was ther greatest of all time =)well i could go on and on, ah well this took awhile? i cant get that out of my head? does she? will she? ah. :/ well imma have a popclie and gonna try not to think of n3dunbfdq1unbfdu1

If I knew where to look to find happiness,
I’d gather my things and I’d build a house next to it,
And paint all the walls in a shade of blue-grey,
To resemble the feelings that shadow me everyday

As we drive the sky gets darker,
Every single mile marker is a stake in my heart, as they tear us apart
There’s a streetlight that’s still burning,
Unsure when I’ll be returning, have I made a mistake?
I’ve been riding the brakes for 1500 miles

She sweet when it rains, and soft when we sleep,
Her name’s California and we have got chemistry
Fusing our hearts, with sunsets ‘til 10,
And streets where we’d hang out ‘til quarter to 4 in the AM,
Then pass out with our clothes on beneath the piers and boardwalks
And wake up to the waves

If there was something I could say,
I’d write it in sand ‘til the tide came and washed it away
If there was something I could do,
I’m writing this song to remember I can’t forget,
Writing this song cause I wish that I never left,
Writing this song cause it tears me up


Everything seems so clear but so blurry
Help me see?

back off bryan

bored?

Name: bryan
Birthday: 23/11
Birthplace: el paso, texas
Current Location: laying in my bed, usa
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: really dark brown,(black really)
Height:5'7 but i don't feel like it i feel 5'3
Right Handed or Left Handed: right
Your Heritage: mexican american i guess
The Shoes You Wore Today: havent worn away yet but they would be dc's
Your Weakness: take a guess
Your Fears: lots of things
Your Perfect Pizza: idk
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: i would be to be able to shift into 2nd while in a wheelie
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: you tell me
Thoughts First Waking Up: <3
Your Best Physical Feature: none
Your Bedtime: dont have one but on a "normal" day 11: somthing
Your Most Missed Memory: too hard, im not sure
Pepsi or Coke: ew
MacDonalds or Burger King: bigger ew
Single or Group Dates: single i guess?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Ice Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanillaa ;}
Cappuccino or Coffee: gosh im torn between the two, teehee im not sure
Do you Smoke: :/ yes i do
Do you Swear: i guess but not anywhere close to jen
Do you Sing: offten, makes me happy
Do you Shower Daily: yupps
Have you Been in Love: i can honestly say once now <3
Do you want to go to College: University of Pittsburgh
Do you want to get Married: yeah
Do you belive in yourself: don't count on it
Do you get Motion Sickness: nope
Do you think you are Attractive: ewwww, noo
Are you a Health Freak: i guess not
Do you get along with your Parents: yea
Do you like Thunderstorms: yups
Do you play an Instrument: use to
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yeah
In the past month have you Smoked: yeah :/
In the past month have you been on Drugs: nope and never will
In the past month have you gone on a Date: you can call it that :)
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: for the most part, every friday so yea
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: nope
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: nope
In the past month have you been on Stage: nope
In the past month have you been Dumped: no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: it hurts to breath in the air, theres no way in hell im gonna so skinny dipping plus i hate pools. funny thing is that i have one in my back yard
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: nope
Ever been Drunk: it'll take alot to have a drunk bryan on your hands
Ever been called a Tease: me a tease, nopee
Ever been Beaten up: indeed i have, then thrown into a trash can :/
Ever Shoplifted: nope
How do you want to Die: not in my sleep, idk
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: firefighter
What country would you most like to Visit: finland
In a Boy/Girl: girl
Favourite Eye Color: i like brown. because it's challenging
Favourite Hair Color: short
Short or Long Hair: shortttt :p <3
Height: 5
Weight: less than me
Best Clothing Style: she has her own style :)
Number of Drugs I have taken: none
Number of CDs I own: must i count?
Number of Piercings: one, but eachday i kick myself in the ass because i took my lip ring out :? *slaps himself*
Number of Tattoos: none yet
Number of things in my Past I Regret: lip ring and some others i guess



What's your favorite....
Beverage (non-alc) ? lemonade
Beverage (alc) ? =) thats hard, i can't pickk :/
Color ? black or white, and for you smart asses i know there not a color
Food ? Ad's Pizza
Item of clothing ? my steeler shirts =D
Meal of the day ? dinner
Feature on yourself ? i don't know
Quality in a guy/girl? spontaneous. mysterious, unique, artistic, i have this and more :p
Phrase ? ummm, idk
Song? soooo hard, something between endless dark and iris?
Musical Artist/Band ? goo goo dolls?
Sport ? Football. [Steelers] <3
Movie ? ladder 49
TV Show ? taxi =)
Radio Station ? 106.9
&..39;Type of Chocolate ?' Milk Chocolate if nay but i'm still not a chocolate person
Eye Color ? her color brown <33
Do you/Have you ever.... ummm ?
Have any pets? once
Smoke ? Never. :/
Drink ? Yes
Have any piercings ? one
Have any tatoos ? Nope.
Cheat on a boyfriend/girlfriend, i would never
Had sex ? nope imma good boy o:)
Gone streaking ? nope
Gone skinny dipping ? nope
Been to Europe ? I want to
Been to an island ? yups
Had stitches ? not fun people. yes
Broken any bones ? not yet
Been stabbed/shot ? hell yeah, nine times bruh! im real gangsta :)
Slept until after 12:00 ? sometimes?
Stayed up all night ? Many times
Danced like a whore ? nope
Hooked up with 2 people in one weekend ? ewww
Turned down a dare ? all the time
Which friend....
Is the funniest ? andy
Is the prettiest? gosh come to think of it like 95% of my friends are girls,
strange huh? dyllan told me once that im a babe magnet bevause i guess all the girls that talk to me on myspace are "hot" girls. idk who i dont judge my firneds like that.
Is the most handsom ? john, not benner
Is the loudest ? joey
Is the craziest ? allen
Is the most shy ? non really
Is the most loving ? ashley/ does my life partner count? if so catalinaa =)
Is the most understanding ? joey, (an other joey)
Is the most boring ? shhhhhh. john b
Is the richest ? not sure
Is the most athletic ? morgan,lindsey
Is the most cocky ? Alec, hands down
Is the biggest sex icon ? once again, i dont see them that way
Is the most wordly/cultured ? john and andy
Do you look up to the most ? if cusins count, royy
Do you tell everything to ? cat, joey, joeyy, and the tori's?
Has the best clothes ? idk
Has the best house ? idk
Would you ever....
Eat pizza with chocolate chips ? nope?
Kiss someone of the same sex ? done :x
Cheat on someone you love ? Never
Run away from home ? It's not worth it
Lie to your parents ? sometimes
Lie to your boyfriend/girlfriend ? Never
Lie to your best friend ? not on something important
Give a homeless person money ? I usually do. I feel bad if I don't.
Run from the police ? no, with my luck they would get me anyway
Bungee jump ? my life dependant on a silly rubber band like thing? i dont think so? idk
Sky dive ? sure
Cross dress ? sure
Be an exotic dancer ? hahah never
Walk out of a restaurant without paying ? I would feel so guilty
Scuba dive ? go with me!
Go rock climbing ? I love rock climbing <3
Go spulunking (caving) ? what that?
What do you think of when you hear....
Eminem ? raper :)
Bologna ? meat
Hott ? teehee, catalina <3
Orange ? Color
Real world ? MTV
Fuck ? you
Jack ? and sallyy
Cucumber ? green
Hip-Hop ? ew
Uniform ? MLC
UniCORN? idk
Rainbow ? gay pride/ andy
Clown ? pennywise!

smile bryan :/

I want to be a real boy...

I’ve been thinking about making a new blog,
One that I can write down deeper thought.
My hair is going toward the side, it reminds me or
Cat’s hair before her hair cut. Im about to cry.
For reasons that I only know why. Im scared, don’t
Take this away from me. I think she’s asleep.
I’m looking at my scars. Will there come a time when
I’ll say I’ve had enough? Give me motive? Give me
Courage? Give me something to believe in? Give me
Someone to fall back on, but haven’t I already been
Given her? Would she catch me? If so I hope you van hold
The weight of the world in those arms of yours. I’m looking at
A picture of sherry that I have, why? I don’t understand.
Im thinking of something I wrote, I pictured a man, beaten and week,
He drops to his knees in front of a puddle, he is almost terrified to look
And see his reflection, it’s been awhile since he’s seen his own face.
He look at himself and turns his hand into a fist and out of rage he strikes
The puddle and breaks up the image of the animal. He wishes he were stronger,
Wishes he could have something powerful, but even if he did, he knows it wouldn’t
Even make a difference. Have you ever felt that way? Im telling myself not to think this way, in my mind I’m saying, “ chin up soldier, eyes up at mine. See that necklace around your neck? Yes believes in you, she loves you, and at the end of the day that’s’ all you have soldier so stay strong, if not for me, for her.” I feel like it’s my duty to stand this ground and protect her. So many things are going though my mind, but does any of it even matter? I love you

Bryan, take two

*sigh* lets see whats on my mind,
at this vary moment i feel as if im wearing my heart on
my sleave. i feel like all i have is my black warrior.

your blue heaven huh?
well heres my blues roses ;} <3

hey there shit face

*waves* gosh, I looked soooooooo bad today, I wish I could have like to my face away. Ahhhhh I have a huge headache. Hahaha fuckk the new kid! I'll never forget that little kid. Everyonee in my unit were like family. Is was rather sad because they've been there for soo long. Gosh I look this bad huh? I wonder how everyone is. Imma smart cookie, I got my window open :] goshhh shower time suckkedddd. Teehee I was mad? I didn't talk for a while days because I was like lost and like im really here huh? Idk and james was an asshole, she like made sure I shallowed the bloodly pill, with the others they didn't take it that far and manny showed me how to hide them :] I wonder? Na don't do it. Well idk, I have goosebumps and im singing anytime. We all have a purpose? Then what's mine? Have you ever seen a person with no meaning? It's so sad, I remember when she met me and she said what's wrong? She knew by looking in my eyes. But then she liked touched my hair and said it felt fake and slaped me a lot :/ silly boy wipe those tears from those eyes. Chin up soldier :'(

13/1? idk, who keeps tract of the bloody date anyway?

*sigh* in my mind im saying fuck this but blah, idk.
this is going to be a long day :/

9:30, day one without a mother. Well not really? Well I talked far too much so imma not say much tomorrow (imma) cat's word. *sigh* I miss roy and cita and gosh this is sad but I forgot how to speel his name. My little cusin. :] I love the llok on his face when he sees me, he runs up to me and I hug the life outta that kid. I think when I go back, roy and I are gonna go to the desert. Hahaha roy and I, I killed myself in resident evil with a frag and I was like royyyyy im bored, and he said well there nothing better to do. And I said, listen roy, I have five hunred dollers and you my friend have a car now. So we went to every card shop within 25 miles and spend alotttt on cards ;] life is different down there. I love it tho, I know the city like the back of my hand. :] if it can move it's street legal. And from home we have much a great view of the lone star. And sundown on the mountians is amazinggg. well here I am, listening to pac because im a loser like that. Gosh I look so bad. My hair is too long and my face ewww. Dad said from now on we're gonna go to pittsburgh for a game at least once a year :] *thinks of something* that would be great huh? Yeah not not likely so quit dreaming. *sigh* blah. Im looking at the scars on my tummy. That reminds me of lizzy, gosh she seemed pissed because I like don't message her? Idk, I don't even know her and she got mad. Damn, to football or quads. I still have guns tho :] I wanna shoot with my uncle soon. I wonder if she uses the bookmark. Hmm where IT anywhoo? I think its in the back of my dad's car? Well im talking to dayah and she says that dyllan has called or text at all since friday. That not like him. Hmm I've named the idea that I'd like to do idea number seven for no reason. But it's hard to do :/ I just put my hair like all in my face, yupps it longgg.the tips go past my chin.now im thinking of friday :] well I think this is long? Idk but I can go on and on. That's the problem with me huh? My mind is wow, wish you could see.

About time!
Gosh it took a little while to get here from my phone. Anywhoo, my mom leaves at noon so no mom for a week. I wonder if she could come over on 19/1, I would spell it but blah :/ im gonna get rob zombie's halloween tomorrow, so if she came over we could watch it. That makes me think of ash's hugeeee collection of horror movies :] well im under my beloved steelers blanket. ahhh im talking too much, but who cares its myy blog and you don't need to read this. Gosh my sidekick can do it all, al it's missing is a save the world buttion, besides that it has all the bases covered. Hmm lets take you into the mind of bryan, hmmm, im thinking of cat, pittsburgh (city and steelers) home, our lone star and family. Dad's mustang, my quads, my black warriors, hoping that the bolts (chargers) can bet the pats. Omggg how did they beat the colts!?!? I mean I watched but goddamn! And I knew the cowboys would lose but the rest of my family thought the cowboys would win. My scars, sherry, the football game, and sooo much more. I hope I don't look like my normal trashly self tomorrow. And I bet it's not even gonna snow. My hands are better now. Well the summer will be fun, I think im gonna spend a month at home and I don't know what to think of that =( a month is a lifetime and more of not seeing you. And besides that, summer means, quads, gunsss, running all around mexico with roy :] seeing my family, and football. Ew but I hateee the summer heat. And I don't even like the color of my skin already so the sun makes it worse. But w/e I'll suck it up. Oh and the summer means more cat, well I don't know that yet because I don't know what she'll be up to. Well before I make this any longer. Bye?

opss

Burn time with this =)

friday i went to the mall, :/
it was fine? i hung out with dayah and andy
and erica. john was john and as always he was a different person.
god, i want to scream. :'(

goddamn, well it's 10/1 and this sucks,
i don't want to go to school tomorrow but it's friday so i'll suck it up?
part of me just wants to say fuck this and walk away but im keeping myself from saying it. for hope? whats holding me back? i know. i can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh, I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry, cuz you're scared, I ain't there? im with you in your prayers. thats been on my mind for a while :x
i wish i knew what to say now :'(

Maybe just one last time?
I saw kate's scars and I showed her two of my three heart scars, (unless I take off my shirt, you won't see my other one and that most likely won't happen) she rubbed my wrist one and it was so strange. No one touches my scars, everyone thinks the eww. :/ I don't know what to think, well I do but :/

I guess it's the mall on friday? :/

If I go im gonna stick with joey tho. I hope he dosent just want to smoke the whole time we're there. Each one takes away 7 or so minuites right? Gosh that kind a lot huh? I miss being able to walk into the garage and seeing my beloved quads :/ I miss her soooooooooo fucking much, and 12/1 is a no go. Ah my thought are all chopyy. Im looking at my heart scars

Take a picture with me?

:/ i don't know what to think,
today fine, my hair was really soft.
blah, say something to me?

gosh i've been having headaches like the past three of four days :/
this sucks and i really don't want to go to school tomorrow

xxxxxxx: i saw cat
xxxxxxx: she looks so beatuiful
xxxxxxx: your necklace always stands out when i see her
me: really?
xxxxxxx: yes
xxxxxxx: and i notice when ever i see her she always has it over her shirt
xxxxxxx: like she is proud of having it, or having you
me: i think about this offten, are you? because im proud of having a girl with such breathtaking beauty and being able to say she loves me. i never want to lose you, catalina rose mckay, i love you <3

Dear bryan,
I's been awhile snce you've left.
i remember when it got hard to respond to your name.
My days are always filled with questions, coulda done this, could of done that, but I know I can't go back .. im trying to live life with no regrets but it's hard. 9/8/6 i remember it like it were yesterday. all of us took it different, ben took it the hardest. we all wish we could have done something but it we were all too late.in seven minuties it will be two am, and my little girl's asleep? she didn' text back so im guessing she's asleep.our season is over, i know there isnt anything to be ashmad of but now i only have one thing to look forward to but she's all that i need and more. speed, steelers gone. i'm not going to the mall with veryone for a long while. i wonder what will become of me, i have so many wishes and dreams but i just dont know. im close to crying again, gosh whats wrong with me? theres three dreams that i hold dear. i miss her so much.

have you ever wanted to say something but right when your going to say it, it feels like someone puts a finger over your lips and whispers "shhh" into your ear? so the only thing you can do if look down and wish you could have said it?

boy, keep singing

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda =(

i just got "home".
i woke up at like 11 to help
my dad loafd up the quads :/ then we put them
in a storage place, but there was reallyyyy long lines
so i went fast for one last time. when i put them in the place i was thinking to myself, would cat like to join me one of these days? i enjoy going quading, (alotttttttttttttttt) so what could be better than having the love of my life with me doing something i love doing? plus i have two so it seems too perfect, i would have to get her a helment to i dont care. i could teach her how the things are and that wont be hard at all =) now i can't wait for spring. but would she like it?

iive been singing your the only one for me for a long while now,
i so many ideas =)

mall tonight? ah it's always the same thing,
we break up into three groups and john becomes a whole different person :/
smoke and drink coffee, thats all it ever is. i mean i like seeing everyone but i hate the things that always happen :/

eww me? not at all,
you did!

Dear bryan,
you looked like shit today :/

i've seen shaking alot lately,
i mean im use to being hit but idk
people hit me all the time. one time this teacher
was gonna pat me on the head or somthing and i thought she was gonna
hit me and spazzed. when someone trys to touch me i shake and try to prepare myself
for the blow. i hate how i do it but i do it and not even thing about it. idk blah :/

in memory of "tje man with the sweater" i shall wear my old man sweater tomorrow =)
tomorrow should be a good day <3 i wonder what cat's thinking of.....

your big smile :D <3 you catalina

Timeless

Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
Do you ever wake up reaching out for me
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime
I miss you

Still have your picture in a frame
Hear your footsteps down the hall
I swear I hear your voice, driving me insane
How I wish that you would call to say

Chorus

I miss you
I miss you

No more, lonliness and heartache
No more, crying myself to sleep
No more, wondering about tomorrow
Won't you come back to me, come back to me

Chorus 2x

I miss you
I miss you
I miss you
I miss you

i picture too many things :x

la la la, :/
sing with me?
who likes brown eyes?
isn't blue or green better?

My secert weapon, i sing this when everything around me is falling apart

La la lla la la la la
La la
La la la la la la
La la lla la la la la
La la
La la la la la la
You say youve seen too many things,
That turn out to be too good to be true.
Against your better judgment, opened up your heart,
til you found the joke was on you.
Looking out on the rest of our lives,
If were gonna be together or apart
About the only way I know how to come,
Is right straight from my heart.
I want you now,
Ill show you how
I can be the man you need me to be
Ive been around,
But now Ive found
That youre the only one for me.
Say youll never fall again
You wont subject yourself to such pain
If you give me half a chance I will
Never leave you standing out in the rain
But if you think that I could look you in your face and lie right
Through my teeth
Then turn around and walk away
Cross my heart, girl I care for you and when I look into your eyes i
Must say...
I need you now
Ill show you how
I can be the man you need me to be
Ive been around
But now Ive found
That youre the only one for me
I need you so
I cant let go
Gonna be all that I can be
I want you still
I always will
Cause youre the only one for me
La la lla la la la la
La la
La la la la la la
La la lla la la la la
La la
La la la la la la
I want you now
Ill show you how
I can be the man you need me to be
Ive been around
But now Ive found
That youre the only one for me
I need you so
I cant let go
Gonna be all that I can be
I want you still
I always will
Cause youre the only one for me

:/ blah