If theres anything that i understand it's

why the cunning warrior attacks the heart,
i rather have him attack my body and leave me battered and bruised
but thats not the way of the one whom wheals the sword :(

i knew this for a long while but i didn't want to come to ends with it (sorry if this dosen't make sense) i feel so ugly when im around her, i wonder how i look to her, i wonder if im good enough for her, i know the war within myself will never end but as long as i can breath i'll never stop fighting. i use to be blooddrunk but i'll learned that if you go out seeking blood, you'll become somthing that you can't controll. Blood for tears it's only fair. I remember the depth of my Grief and sorrow and how i felt the guilt of the death of a friend... oh the guilt. those fourteen months were the worse times of my life. Now that im "better" im just trying to understand. im starting to cry once again :/ im such a baby. the guilt kept me up at night and i couldn't eat. It got to the point where when i looked at myself in the mirror and said my name none of it felt real. truths is that i still havent gotten over it. Well i just want to say that i love you, i wish you could place your hand over my slow beating heart and look into my eyes filled with tears and see that i adore you catalina. <3 my heart wants to say somthing but i don't know how to say it. but it's a good thing so no need to worry. love always, bryan