hello

Well im on my way back to CT now, I place my steelers blacket over jen because she's sleeping so I have a good feeling in my heart. God yesterday I looked into the eyes of a blind man, just knowing that he couldn't look into mine was one of the saddnest things I ever had to think. Im trying to be the best person I can possiblely be but dose it even show? My mind is always racing jumping from thought to thought, it seems like I can never get anything done because I lose myself within my memories and a reality that dosent exist. (Dose that even make sence?) I can't even go through a day without crying :'( I use to be much worse but now im trying to figure out everything and understand as much as I can. I feel like I know nothing but mrs. Ryan always tells me that way more mature for my age. Its interesting looking at everyone and everyone seems so happy and carefree but not me, why's that? Do I just have to stop thinking about why and details? Im not sure. Im listening to ohio is for lovers and its so sad when I hear casey scream he's part of the song :( I wonder why sierra and marissa look up to me, I posted what she said before and just wow, I did all that for them huh? They call me wise because of what I went though (sorry about my spelling) but damn I don't know how to put this. Nevermind I guess. We still have many hours of driving left. Like six hours :/ my thoughts are so messy. Will I make my mark? "You can have my empire of dirt" Johnny Cash. Why is that when you say goodbye you feel like saying sorry? It's true huh? I always feel so sorry when I must leave you. If your reading this is it a waste of time, do you ever wake up reaching out for me? I have so many questions on my mind but when I answer them, a new question rises and not all my questions have answers :( close the door and leave me inside, I miss the fireworks burning in those eyes, remember the the songs we use to sing? Come augus I'll still be singing (im just writing down some of the lyrics of songs im listening to on my ipod) so this is a big waste of time. I feel so small and lost. Im just a boy, a boy.... that's all I am. But I love her like she wouldn't believe it, I feel like a retard at school, I feel like everything I do comes out wrong or she dosent like it. I don't want to force a kiss apon her lips. I love you. Now im thinking of when you kissed me at the dance, and we kissed one an other for a while :) and when I put my arm around you at the dance <3 well I could make this blog is long it could reach from maine to cali so here is when I read. Farewell